Dawn Breaks over Our Mistakes
by TheLittleOwlChild
Summary: ModernAU, reincarnation. When immortality became too much, Merlin decided to end it. He didn't expect to wake up, and he certainly didn't expect to wake up to Arthur. The prince has no recollection of their former life but a friendship soon forms, and destiny begins to repeat itself ... perhaps this time, it will play out right. Trigger warnings for first few chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**Dawn Breaks over Our Mistakes**

**Trigger warning (applies to first few chapters only): attempted suicide, drowning, depression. I've tried to describe it in a way that is not graphic so I think it still falls under the 'T' rating, but please let me know if you think I should change it to 'M'.**

**That makes it sound really dark but I promise it will get lighter!**

* * *

The day he gave in.

He had been fighting temptation for so long, living by the water, everyday coming to sit at its edge, gazing out and wondering, waiting.

Every day he had to fight the pull, the siren's call telling him to wade into the water, slip under the surface; let it be over. He had lost so many loved ones to this lake – Lancelot, Freya, Arthur. Gwen and Gaius had joined them in time, as had his mother.

He had watched as each of them floated across the water on a makeshift woven raft, forced the power from his palms that would set their bodies aflame.

Cruel years had passed, and crueller years had followed.

And this was the day he gave in.

Over a thousand years after the death of Arthur, after watching more pain and destruction and evil than he thought mankind was capable, this was the day when he couldn't go on any longer.

It was almost ironic. A perfectly normal, calm, unremarkable day in 2014, the sun was shining although it was only early morning, the spring flowers swaying in a slight breeze. For England, it was a day of rare beauty.

Merlin stood, ankle deep in the water, looking out over the horizon. The lake was vast – he could not see the end from here.

He could feel the wetness soaking through his socks. He had taken his shoes of, that was all; they were sitting on the grassy bank, shoelaces tucked in, waiting to be returned to as the young man who stood in the water really was just going for a paddle.

The warlock took a tentative step forward, and then another.

Another step.

The water was up to his knees.

His thighs; his waist.

His chest.

Merlin stopped when the water reached his shoulders.

He stood there for a long time, still gazing into the distance. He wanted to savour this moment, this moment of relief and release. He hadn't felt as free as this in over a thousand years and now he felt giddy with it, high at the promise of the end of all the pain; soon to be warmly embraced by the sweet tranquillity of death.

He closed his eyes and fell back into the blue.

The world under water was beautiful, Merlin decided, opening his eyes slowly. He could see the warm colours of dawn breaking across the sky but they were refracted, impressions painted with broad strokes of pink and yellow.

He lay flat across the sandy bed of the lake, the stones in his pocket stopping him from rising back to the surface.

His lungs were beginning to burn from lack of oxygen but Merlin knew it was a good sign – it meant that this was working. He wasn't sure it would work, after all those rumours of immortality, and Merlin had never brought himself to try before.

He always decided he could hold out a little longer, wait for a while. Arthur could turn up tomorrow, Arthur could turn up tonight, he would tell himself. Time had laid to rest that old dream – the prince wasn't coming soon and Merlin was not going to sit around for another thousand years waiting. He was going to join Arthur instead.

The fire in his chest was burning, spreading.

The colours above him were shifting as the light wind skimmed across the water.

He wanted to take a breath in but something was telling him he shouldn't – he was on a pyre, and if he breathed in now he would take in a mouthful of smoke...

But it wasn't smoke that filled his lungs, though the black of it was curling around the corners of his vision...

The colours were gone.

For a moment all the boy could see was black, black surrounding him.

Then even that faded away and there was nothing.

* * *

**Hello, I know I'm supposed to be working on other stories, but this suddenly appeared in my mind and I thought that while it was there I might as well write it, and then seeing as it was written I might as well post it. Please let me know if you think I should continue with this :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin. If I did, those films they hinted at would have come out :(**


	2. Chapter 2

The next thing Merlin knew was a loud roaring in his ears and a heavy pressure on his chest. Someone was pushing down on it and he didn't like it; it was too hard and it hurt.

Somebody roughly yanked his chin up and suddenly air was being forced into his lungs.

There was water rising in his throat; he was choking.

Merlin cracked his eyes open. There were shapes but his vision was blurred, as though he was still under the lake looking up through the surface. There were flashes of colour everywhere – green and blue and red and gold – then the world tinted sideways and he was coughing and he could feel the water tricking down his chin as someone rubbed circles on his back.

A familiar voice was speaking comforting words; though he couldn't make out the individual sounds he understood the tone.

The warlock gasped, cheek pressed against the dirt, whole body shuddering as he panted for air.

A little distance away he could hear another person – a girl, he thought – crying softly.

The voice right above him drowned out the sound. "It's alright... you're okay... deep breaths, mate..."

Merlin's laboured breathing cuts off.

Arthur.

_Arthur._

"What happened?" The girl asks, high and frightened.

"I don't know, he jus- stop-d-bre-ag-n!"

He feels his consciousness begin to slip again when he is pulled back onto his back, hands tipping his head back and it's _Arthur_, Arthur is lowering his lips to his and air filling his lungs.

Merlin didn't expect to wake up, and he certainly didn't expect to wake up to Arthur.

There are hands pumping his chest again and it still hurts but it is okay because it's Arthur – his mind fixates on that name, repeating it like a stuck record as he stares up at the king with glazed eyes.

He doesn't look like the warlock remembers; he looks young, and he looks scared.

There are high pitched wailing sounds getting louder and Merlin wants to complain but his lips won't respond when he tries to open them.

Merlin is scared too, when alien hands take over and nameless shapes pull Arthur away.

When Merlin wakes up, he knows where his is. Although he's only been in a modern hospital once before in his life, the sound of the heart monitor is easily recognisable.

His eyes snap open to see a white washed room.

Memories flood back and he sighs, closing his eyes. He had failed, and what's worse, he had genuinely believed for a minute that the prince had returned.

Merlin knew that if his best friend really was back, he wouldn't have woken up alone.

Perhaps alerted that he was awake by the change of his heartbeat as realisation sunk in, a kind looking nurse soon entered.

She smiled at him, standing at the end of the warlock's bed. "Hello, Merlin. I'm Nurse Miller. Do you know where you are?"

Merlin nodded.

Her smile faded. "And you remember how you got here?"

Merlin hesitated, and then nodded again.

The woman sighed, coming round to the side of the bed. "I'm going to check your vitals." He told him gently, explaining while she worked, "it said in your records that your parents passed away last summer. Do you know of any distant relations we can contact?"

The warlock shook his head. Every eighteen years or, the age at which it became legal for him to live on his own, he recorded the passing of his 'parents'. Moving around a lot and living as a recluse meant nobody was ever the wiser.

"I'm afraid if you have no family members we will have no make other arrangements for your recovery. We'll keep you in for a couple of weeks to monitor – and the counsellor will be in to visit every afternoon, but they're available to talk any time you need it, sweetheart."

She smiled at him sadly, adjusting an IV drip tube.

Merlin didn't say anything. He wasn't planning on staying – what would he say to a counsellor?

He would wait until the nurse had left and then escape using his magic. Get far enough away and then try again. Next time he'd do it quickly, and make sure he succeeded.

"The kids that found you have been visiting." The nurse told him, busying herself with the medical equipment. Merlin turned to stare at her in shock. "Brother and sister. The boy Arthur was the one that saved you; pulled you from the water and performed CPR. I know you might not feel like it at the moment," She glanced at him sympathetically, "but you should thank him."

Nurse Miller picked up a clipboard and jotted down some notes. "Of course it's your choice whether or not you would like to see them."

Merlin felt tears rise in his eyes. He hadn't imagined it. Arthur really was back!

"Hey," the nurse said in a calming tone, misunderstanding the warlock's emotion. "Do you want me to get someone you can talk to?"

He shook his head, opening his mouth to speak for the first time in their whole interaction. "No thank you. I'd just like to think." He was surprised by how raspy and weak his voice sounded.

"Okay." She smiled reassuringly, turning to exit the room.

"Nurse Miller?" He croaked, and she spun back around. "If they come, the ones who found me, can you let them in please?"

The nurse smiled again, nodding, then left.


End file.
